The absurdity of local bureaucracy

I have a doozy for you today, folks! As part of getting ready to install a new septic system, the septic company needs to come out and dig a six-foot test hole to see what kind of soil we have so they know what to design for us. Before they can dig that hold, they asked us to have all utilities located and marked. Perfectly reasonable request.

I made a OneCall request as I'm supposed to, and they notified a bunch of utility companies to do locates, plus the township, which is responsible for marking the water lines. All good. We heard back from Brooke Telecom and Eastlink almost immediately. We haven't heard from Hydro One yet, but we know the lines are above ground in this area, so no worries there. And there is no natural gas in this area, so no worries there either. We know where the propane line is because we installed it. So that just leaves the water line.

Today the water locator came out and marked out the water main that runs in front of the property and drew a circle around the valve, which was already marked by a couple of cinder blocks. But then he left again without indicating where the pipe runs from the valve to the building. So I called the township. Andrew at Warwick Township kindly agreed to check with the company they contract with to do the locates, and then he called us back.

This is where it all veers off into a surreal parallel universe. It seems they've recently passed a regulation that prohibits them from doing any locates on private property. They're simply not allowed to do it. My husband pointed out that they did it for us last year when we had the foundations waterproofed, but Andrew said they've passed the regulation since then. My husband asked how we're supposed to dig on private property (how anyone is supposed to) without being able to locate the water lines. Andrew basically said we're on our own, and if we hit a line, good luck. He then added that the locators aren't very reliable anyway, as they "witch" for water with two metal dousing rods.

Stunned silence. Um...no. They use a metal detector. The water pipe is metal, and they scan with a detector to mark out where it runs. What century did we stumble into?

So...no ability to identify the location of the water pipe unless someone out there has a metal detector and is willing to come find it for us. Just one more example of how local government and common sense run in opposite directions. What's the septic guy supposed to do from now on, evermore, world without end? How does he safely do his job?

I need to go lie down.